


Insecurity

by Generouslyinnercheesecake



Series: Evolution [5]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Super Sons (Comics)
Genre: Autistic Damian Wayne, But aren't we all, Consensual Sex, F/M, Feelings during sex, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Important Talks, Insecure Damian Wayne, Insecurity, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Non-Graphic Sex, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, One-Shot, Porn With Plot, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sex, Underage Sex, he's hurting, insecurity regarding sex, jon kent is a sweetie, relationship-focused, talks about sex, they're boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24852862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Generouslyinnercheesecake/pseuds/Generouslyinnercheesecake
Summary: Jon wants to take him and Damian's relationship to the next level, but Damian is having trouble getting past his...
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Jon Lane Kent/Damian Wayne, Jonathan Samuel Kent & Damian Wayne
Series: Evolution [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1521632
Comments: 6
Kudos: 125





	Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovlies! I'm back after forever but I'll explain at the end what's been happening these last few months. Anyway, I know a lot of you love DamiJon stories so I decided to continue with the series. Jon is around 17 while Damian is 18, so it's completely up to you whether you would like to read this or not. Beware, it is underaged because of that however. I hope you all love the story and I'll see you at the bottom! <3
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my works.

There was something about having to give up control that made Damian's skin crawl. 

Don't get him wrong, he trusts Jon with his whole heart--the other man has proven that time and time again. But still. Damian hated, loathed the idea. That he had to give more than his heart, his entire soul to someone that already knew he loved him. 

He wasn’t opposed to sex or sexual attraction. Or uneducated. But. How..?

Jon was understanding. He knew the years before that Damian wasn't comfortable with sex, so he backed off during the heated makeout sessions. Even then, he knew Damian was nervous and self-conscious. 

Jon was scared that he would cross a line, but didn't know where that line was. Whenever he would ask Damian if they could do something together, he would either shut down or tell a half-assed response. It irked the younger man, but at the same time hurt him. Perhaps he was repulsive, or _Damian didn’t like being with him at all?_

Jon, though, still hated the sudden stopping during a heavy, hot session, because ( _c'mon_ ) he was still a horny 17-year-old boy. 

So, remembering the embarrassing talk he had with his Dad two years prior, he went to his Mom for advice. 

"How do I even ask him?!" Jon asked. The distress dripped from his tone. 

Lois wrote down a last note in her journal, then dropped the pen on the wooden table. It was covered in a bunch of her other writing supplies, and though she knew she should clean it up, she was scatterbrained with this new piece. 

"When I asked your father-" 

Jon interrupted his mother with a groan, and flopped back on his parent's crickety bed. "Can we _please_..." Jon covered his eyes with a tanned arm, "not talk about Dad in this situation?" 

Lois pushed a laugh off, her eyes amused. "Fine," she relented after a minute of silence. "If I were in a relationship with someone, I would just ask if they ever wanted to have sex." Lois paused, then bit her lip, face having changed to something more compassionate. She remembered herself being in Jon's similar situation and having little to no guidance from her parents, simply because they thought she should wait for marriage. But ultimately she was a curious teen, along with clueless. She fumbled more than she wanted to admit. She didn’t want that for her son. 

"Jon," she whispered, her voice serious. Said young man lifted his arm from his eyes and got back up to face her again. His eyes were downturned and lips pursed. "You need to talk about it with Damian," she affirmed. Jon opened his mouth to interject, but she continued before he could, "It may be awkward at first, but it's..." she trailed off, then sighed, tiredly taking off her glasses, placing them on the table and rubbing her face. "It's really important, Son. Without talking about it, you never know if you go too far or not far enough." 

Jon looked guilty--that's the first thing Lois noticed about her son's expression. She took another deep breath and trudged on, "I stumbled when I was your age. Some things happened that I wasn't proud of. Some things still affect me to this day," _she decided not to elaborate on that_ , "Sex is really important. It should be talked about in a relationship, especially when one person may be asexual or feel worried about doing everything wrong." Lois didn't want to name Damian specifically, but she saw the way Jon was hurt by some of Damian's resistance of PDA. It cut him deep. 

Jon just nodded. Lois blinked slowly, staring at her son for a minute, then said, "Any questions, Bud?" 

"No, ma'am." 

Lois gave the most compassionate look she could give to her son. "It's completely normal to feel emotional with sex, Jon. It’s very emotional." 

Jon felt some comfort knowing that.

* * *

  
Damian was horny. 

That, he knew. And couldn't know how to tell Jon. So, without a utter of a syllable, he lifted himself off the younger's lap and excused himself to the restroom. He heard Jon call after him, but ignored him. 

He would be so... _vulnerable_ in front of him. 

That couldn't be an option. 

Don't get him wrong, he trusted Jon, but there was something about sex that was... _scary_. It was sharing your entire body and soul to someone you loved. It was sharing your body of scars, your imperfections with someone you loved. And who was Damian to say he would be good at... _it_? Perhaps he would finish early or hurt his partner or...Damian couldn’t know. Didn’t want to know because he knew he would disappoint Jon. Jon could barely hold a proper conversation with him, for fuck’s sake. He would probably going to break up with Damian if they had sex.

_Trusting people is hard._

He heard a knock on the bathroom door, breaking him out of his thoughts. His head rose when he heard a familiar, comforting voice call out from the opposite side of the door, "Damian?" 

He felt himself stiffen because he's imagined that name to fall from Jon's lips in a much different way. When Damian would kiss his neck and reach to the button of the worn-out jeans to release Jon and feel the heated skin under his own-

"Are you okay?" Jon asked, stupidly concerned, and Damian something horrible creep up his chest.

Damian tried to make sure he sounded as 'okay' as possible. "I am fine, Jonathan," he replied monotonously. He heard Jon's breath hitch. 

"Oh. Okay," the reply behind the door was. "I just. Um. Wanted to talk to you about something...pretty important," he also heard the self-depricating chuckle. "At least, im-important to me." 

Damian's eyes widened, realizing how dramatic he was being. _Jon didn't deserve to deal with his emotional bagagge_. The young man swung the door open. "Anything, Habibi," he stated determinedly. He didn't comment on his own tight pants and instead moved to his bed, sitting down quietly. Jon stared at him for a moment, looking as if he wanted to say something on his mind, but Damian simply blinked. 

"I wanna have sex," Jon blurted out, and Damian froze. _What._

_Are you kidding me._

" _What_ ," Damian bit out, and was too caught up with the subject of the conversation to hear how frustrated he sounded. 

  
  
Jon rubbed his right arm self-consciously. "I-I wanna-"

"I don't know!" Damian interrupted him, his panic now showing through his body language and tone of voice. 

Jon blinked quickly as he heard Damian's heartbeat quicken. "It's-" He didn't exactly like saying this, but he wasn't going to push his boyfriend-"Okay if you don't ever wanna have sex." Jon let out a heavy breath. 

Damian's mouth suddenly felt dry. "I feel sexual attraction," he said, although he didn't exactly know why. He just knew he had to say something, to help Jon understand. He knew he could be hard to read sometimes. His brothers had told him too many times. 

Jon raised his eyebrows. "Really?" He asked in disbelief. Damian nodded, focusing his eyes on the bookcase behind Jon. He couldn't look at his boyfriend right now. His body was too uncomfortable, and he didn't know what to say. What could he say? Sometimes Damian wished he weren't himself. "That's...cool" Jon interrupted his thoughts, his lips pursed, and Damian could tell from that body language that Jon was confused. 

He could read his boyfriend like the back of his hand. 

_So why couldn't he allow himself to trust Jon with his body?_

"You are confused," Damian stated lamely. 

Jon bit his lip. "Um," he stuttered. "Yah. It's just that. I," he paused, cheeks burning. "I feel...that way, too." Jon stopped, then realized something. If they both feel the same way, then what was the issue? Was it him? Was Damian uncomfortable being with Jon in that way? Was he revolted by him? "Is there something wrong with _me_ , Dami?" Jon queried, his voice high and tight. 

Damian furrowed his brows, and if Jon didn't truly know him he would say the young man was mad. But he knew Damian, and he knew he was concerned. "Of course not, Corncob." Jon was an amazing partner and always helped Damian when he was feeling at his worse. He was understanding. They’d come so far with their relationship, with both of them opening up in more ways than one. Jon was always there to listen when he could. Damian was always willing to listen when he could. Damian hated disappointing him.

Jon's chest bloomed happily when he heard not only the nickname, but Damian's form of reassurance. Jon bit his lip, trying to hide the smile suddenly creeping on his expression. "I love you, Dami. You know that, right?" 

Damian faltered in his thoughts. Of course he knew that--but to hear it so clearly spelled out for him had him fumbling lamely. He thought he loved Jon too. That's why he thought moving to the next step in their relationship would only hurt them. 

Jon would fall out of love with him. 

"Can I ask why you don' wanna have sex?" Jon asked curiously tone rid of judgement. And Damian was reminded why he was so attracted to Jon. His voice lacked judgement; his body language lacked judgement. He was truthful in a way other people weren't. 

"Damian?" Jon asked concernedly, and Damian was broken out of his stupor. 

Damian cleared his throat, then stated, quite formally, "I do not wish it to affect our relationship." Jon raised both of his eyebrows, the same expression he used when he was going to press Damian further. And that was one thing about Jon he disliked. He _pushed_. "Do _not_ ," he growled through clenched teeth. 

The same confused expression with a touch of frustration. "What?" 

"You want more answers, Jonathan." Damian wanted to give in, tell him his vulnerabilites, but that was too much for the young man. Jon would just leave him. _Hurt him_. "I shall not give." 

Jon's gaze was piercing, but the younger man's expression changed when he finally realized what was making Damian upset. He was honestly surprised he hadn’t noticed how tense his boyfriend was before. "Damian," he said softly, gently, and Damian was becoming irritated by that tone. "I won't hurt you." Jon felt tears begin to fill his eyes, and blinked quickly to get rid of them. There was no need to put the attention on him right now. Damian was hurting. And because of him. 

Jon stopped, then tried to go about this conversation a different way because Damian was giving him that look telling him he was clueless in how to reply. "I'm...kinda scared to...do it too, Dami," Jon sympathized. "I don' know if I can...be what ya' want." 

Damian's face blossomed into something only his loved ones saw, an expression of absolute vulnerability and sadness. Jon felt some pride knowing he brought that out in his boyfriend. 

Jon waited for Damian to say something, but after a minute began again: "If you...really wanna have sex, then-" He stopped himself, mulling over what he was about to say, then accepting it for the sake of Damian. "Ya' can...call the shots." 

Damian raised an dark, defined eyebrow. He thought about it. It seemed like Jon was willing to accept Damian and allow him to be in control. And control meant...him not being hurt. 

When someone you loved gave up control, that meant they truly loved you. Damian needed to give up a part of himself to learn to love himself, something he’s never really known how to do. But his therapist had told him repeatedly that being vulnerable with someone you love was a way to start loving yourself. 

_Maybe Mother was wrong. Wait. Mother was wrong_. 

"Okay," Damian agreed. Jon breathed a sigh of relief, as though the worst part was over. 

And oh, boy, was he wrong. 

* * *

They pushed off sex for two more months. Life passed by too quickly and their schedules were filled with vigilante/school work. 

The past eight weeks had been torture, with Jon waking up with more and more erections. They had even spilled into his vigilante lifestyle. When he wasn’t thinking about Damian, he was thinking about what could happen between them. 

So here Jon was, yet again. Sitting on his couch with Damian on his lap, his pants too tight and skin too heated. Because honestly they're both deprived teenage boys who had planned for something like this way sooner. 

Damian suddenly pulled back, his lips red and Jon almost lost himself in that irresistable expression. "Jon?" Damian said, his tone desperate for his boyfriend to somehow read his mind. 

Said young man blinked once, then realized what Damian was silently requesting. "Oh," he breathed out. "You know where the restroom is, Dami," he told him confusedly. Perhaps Damian had wanted to excuse himself and avoid the sex. Maybe he had changed his mind. 

Damian shook his head, bit that damn red lip, then closed his green eyes, lashes fawning over his tanned cheeks. "I wish to have sex with you," his tone was a complete juxtaposition to the fear brewing in his chest. _He wanted this. So bad. Yet. Jon may-_

"Right," Jon panted out. His eyes widened and pupils dilated simply thinking about the pleasure he could give Damian. "Totally." Damian nodded along, not knowing how to respond. It was another moment of silence before Jon confirmed, "Now?" Damian nodded robotically. It was a final moment of silence that Jon yelled, "Oh shit!" He got up from the chair, almost knocking Damian onto the floor. 

Damian raised a single eyebrow, then Jon laughed nervously. "I, um," Jon started, "have the...supplies in my room upstairs." He could still remember the day when he saw the lube and condoms on his bed with a short note from his Mom telling him to be safe. He had blushed until the tips of his ears were red. 

"Then let's go upstairs," Damian responded, insecurity gnawing at his stomach. 

He felt that feeling melt when he saw Jon's dopey, loving expression. "Let's." 

* * *

  
"Pants." 

"'Kay. Right." 

"..." 

"Can I-" 

"Yes. Please..." 

"M'kay. Oka- Woah." 

"...Jon..." 

"Sorry. You're-just...really pretty."

"..." 

"Damian?" 

"..." 

"Wait what're you-Hnggg." 

"Is this okay?" 

"Fucking fuck-" 

"Jonathan?" 

"Yes, Dami. Yah." 

"..." 

"Oh!" 

"Jon. Please." 

"Duhh-Do you wanna-Oh okay." 

"I like being on top of you." 

"Heh. Know you do." 

"Is this okay?" 

*Moans* "If you don't stop Dami-" 

"Wanna make you cum." 

"Fuck-Fucking-Fuckity." 

"How sexy..." 

"I'mma-Fuck, Dami. Gonna-" 

"Habibi." 

"Damian!" 

"..." 

"I wanna...return the favor...." 

"You don't have to." 

"Please, Dami. I want to." 

"...okay." 

"Can I....?" 

"Yes." 

"..." 

"Jon..." 

"Can I use the lube?" 

"On...me?" 

"Uh. Yah." 

"..." 

"..."

"...yes." 

"'Kay lemme just-" 

"..." 

"I'mma stick-" 

"Get on with it, Corncob!" 

"Right!" 

"Hnnn." 

"Fuck. Dami. You look so pretty." 

"Not...hng...pretty..." 

"So pretty. So beautiful." 

"...Jon." 

"You gonna...?" 

"Want you in me..." 

"..." 

"..."

"So. I'm hard again." 

"Where's the condom?" 

"He-here." 

"..." 

"Can you-?" 

"Fine." 

"Your hands feel so good, Dami." 

"I..." 

"You okay? Do you wanna stop?"

"..." 

"..." 

"No." 

"..." 

"I wanna stay like this." 

"Of course, Damian. Jus’. Tell me when you’re gonna-“

"..." 

"Damian- Oh my fucking god!" 

"You're...big." 

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck." 

"Hng." 

"Take a deep breath, Dami...go slow." 

"..." 

"...fuck..." 

"Jon. You're all the way in." 

"Yeah. Can definitely feel that, love." 

"Wanna move." 

"Oh please god. Please move. I'mma 'bout to come. I'm so sorry Dami-" 

"Want you to come." 

"Oh my- Okay don't move I'll come." 

"Jon!" 

"Oh fuck you're-you look so hot doing that." 

*Moans*

"You gonna come, Dami?" 

"Fuck. Yes!" 

"Fuck. Can feel you...I'm gonna come too." 

"Ah. Ah!" 

"Damian-" 

"Fuck!" 

"Shitshitshit-" 

"Hng." 

"Uhhh!" 

* * *

Damian's head was lied down on his boyfriend's chest, body feeling much lighter than it ever had. 

"Was that-?" 

He suddenly felt Jon shaking under him, then heard a distinctive, beautiful laugh. It made his insides dance delightfully. "It was more than perfect, Dami," Jon replied, kissing his boyfriend's button nose.

Damian felt his lips stretch into a smile, then silently agreed. He put his head back on his boyfriend's chest, a feeling of contentment fluttering throughout his whole body that he'd never felt when he gave up control. 

_They would be okay. He would be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> Did you guys like it? I know my writing is rusty, but I've got a big story coming up these next few weeks. It's a different pairing and props to anyone who can guess it correctly! Leave your guesses in the comments! Also, please please please tell me if I misrepresented anything! I’m a little familiar with sex with an autistic person, but those experiences are very limited. 
> 
> I'm also mostly coming back because I miss being able to see reviews and smile at the thought of making someone's day because it's always given me some motivation to continue writing. I love writing and I love that I'm back at it. 
> 
> Anyways, I was gone for a few months because I was in the hospital getting help for issues I've had for a while. I'm a lot better and happier now, and I feel I'm in the right place to start writing again. Thank you all SO much for reading! I'm so fucking glad to be back! All love and have an absolutely amazing fucking day!!!!!!


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